I look up at the black nothingness of the cold night sky in silence. I want to open my mouth and scream but my throat closes in pain and reminds me that no one is listening. I stare at the stars but when I open my eyes, the light burns like acid that mixes with tears that carve trenches down my face.
I want to stare into your eyes and ask you why I’m so broken. I want to scream your name until the only thing you can hear are my screams echoing through the night. But you never listen. And the screams fade away into the cold without a single echo.
I want to get from here to myself without a thousand cuts beneath my feet. I want to find a place to belong within myself and call it a home. But every home I find turns to dust and dreams that tells me that if I belong in a place, it’s in the deepest parts of rot and filth
I want to let go of the misery and suffering and death that has painted and tainted my face. But I scream and shout and laugh and hold on to things that I should discard and watch them turn into butterflies and birds and flowers that crawl under my fingernails.
I want to spread my hopes and dreams beneath your feet. I want to give you the keys to my kingdom and beg you to guide me through the labyrinth of my sins that have grown into towers and walls and giant trees that bleed. But the blood mixes with the wind and turns to rain that pours into waves that drowns my soul.
I want to watch the moon crawl across the sky and forget the days that have slipped through my fingers. But the sun shines upon the moon, lights it up and shows the world her scars and reminds me of her broken face.
I want to be still. I want to rest my bones and weep in sweet repose. I want to build myself walls to shield myself from the crushing pressure of the world around me. But the walls grow with a will of their own and reminds me that they are only there to protect me from myself.
I want to run away from the brightness of dawn. I want to run towards the night and be embraced by its cold darkness. But the dawn always comes and everything that was engulfed in the cold dead of night, shimmers and glows. The dawn wipes away the empty nothingness of the night and turns my loneliness into solitude and courage and will.
When the night is over, and the dew has settled, I want to send you a voice, a kiss in the wind, to hold you to sleep and wake you in the morning, with sweet smells and bright colors. I want to wipe your tears and hug you from behind and tell you that all will be well and whisper in your ears that the next night will be beautiful too.